// ‘It’s Hard Sometimes’ //

The emotions take over me sometimes and I just have to tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself. This is always a bit silly and I just have to control my crying and stop. I don’t want to be selfish I’m still here. Just because some things are now difficult to do I have my Angel now home to look after me and I don’t like her to see me crying.

Last night it was really hard to sleep, saliva, mucus and choking a bit on it made me sick in the early hours. I managed to wake at 7am and sat up on the edge of the bed. When George woke up and came round the bed to get me dressed I started to cry. As I can’t talk anymore I had to wait till I was downstairs to tell her why.

When I got into my chair and I was comfy I wrote this on my phone for George ‘I’m scared you’ll end up hating me because I make you miserable’ this thought was due to me keeping her awake for most of the night.

These negative thoughts enter your mind when your feeling low, at the moment I’m just frustrated with the amount of saliva I’m producing. Sorting out an appointment for this seems to be so difficult and I’m still waiting for one.

Luckily this afternoon we’ve had an appointment confirmed on Saturday morning. We can go there and then after that we’ll be going to George’s work to pick up a cheque for the Lincoln walk. We’ll then go to Asda and put it into my savings account.

We’ve had a great quote for the building work and our senior occupational therapist Kelly is now helping us. When we have the funds confirmed the work will happen. This will be hard when it’s carried out but when it’s completed it will help me for the rest of my life and it will help George to care for me.

We’ve also already decided to get a rainbow chameleon to sit at the back of our room near the patio doors and also have my signed Liverpool shirt appearing on the wall.

All this will raise my head high and help all of us in the future. The girls will also have their own rooms so they’ll be happy too.

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