To say this was hard to write would be a severe understatement…
At the bottom of our stairs near the front door is a beautiful picture of my Mum and Emily’s Grandma. Every time I walk past it or see it I send her a kiss and look into the sky. I don’t really believe in heaven but she isn’t in the world anymore, I also look into the sun sometimes but obviously never right at it. The biggest star in our galaxy and that’s just wonderful.
My Mum was the best in the world, I’ve missed her so much since she left us. She was always there for me when I was young and I’m so proud of her. I also talk to her in my mind sometimes when I need her help, nothing really important, just asking her to look after my family and wishing her Happy Birthday and Happy Christmas. Possibly a bit silly but we all grieve in different ways and get on with it by ourselves. Nothing like this is right or wrong.
She left this beautiful world a few months after Miss Emily was born. I’m so sad that she couldn’t meet Emily now and when she was younger. Now I have the same disease as she had in a way it’s lucky that she’s not here, not because I don’t what her to be here but it would just be so crap to tell her.
I was so scared of telling Dad about my diagnosis that it took a few days to ring him, me and George were going to drive to Southport but we couldn’t, I just had to tell him. As I’ve already said he was so strong on the phone. I’m sure he may have cried after this but for the rest of my life he will be strong and hopefully he will be here for me. This is the only way to go. My family will also stay strong for me.
Back to Mum, I miss her so much, this is the only thing I can say. From the bottom of my heart and even writing this I am trying not to cry but thats not happening.
I’m stopping crying and off for a bath, take care friends.
Mum, I Love you and miss you so much. Paul.